Shey you see, the number of sane people in Nigeria has officially reduced to just me, otherwise how do you explain all the madness everywhere. Ok wait let me gist you.

This evening I went to ATM to withdraw money, the first ATM machine, I saw one guy sitting on the floor beside the ATM he was holding a card and just sitting there. I walked past him and tried to insert my card, this guy was just sitting there watching me, next thing he asks me if it is not paying. And then answered by himself that he does not know what is going on, he then started questioning who I don’t know and asking why this bank is treating customers like this.

Image: Hand counting money, Credits: Nick Pampoukidis, Unsplash

He went on and on to rant about how it is blocked and without me responding, told me to try the deposit machine. I walked to the security man and was informed that it was not paying.

Anyway I left and went to another bank. There was a bit of a queue so I walked up to the lesser queue and joined. I saw a lady with a weird eyebrow, that was the first thing I noticed about her. You know those ladies who go to the market and get their eyebrows painted in the name of fashion. She was sitting underneath the canopy pressing her phone. She looked at me and I asked her if she was on the queue and she shook her head. Ok great. There was just one person in front of me.

I started to play with my phone. I have this interesting game called ‘dream hospital‘ that I love playing when I can’t read or write. Reading at a bank would most likely mean divided attention and one must maintain rapt attention plus what other time can I get to play doctor asides from when I am writing and in this case unable to read. The world of fiction is vast and it can get really addictive. Trust me, especially in this Lagos where you can be scammed out of your money. Ok, so while I was tapping away at my winnings and fixing the health of my game patients this lady comes to stand beside me.

I moved back because she was standing too close and then she said, “Can I ask you a favour?”

Aha, all my antennas jumped to alert, here they come. I have encountered many of them, they stay at strategic locations, banks, eateries, stores. Anywhere they see people get or spend money and they always have the best of stories.

So I replied. “No please.” Then moved further back because she was still coming too close. And then she says, “The bank debited me.”

I smiled and responded, “I don’t work at the bank.”

This lady flares up and gets annoyed. She goes to stand behind me and begins to rant. “And she cannot even wait let me talk first.”

I turn and say, “Madam, I said you can’t ask me for a favour. I don’t understand what the issue is.”

Next thing this lady begins to shout, “You can’t help someone… you don’t know that when you die you won’t carry anything with you. That is what happens to many of them. Nobody expects to die and that is how they just go and leave all their money behind.”

Ehe, see me see wahala, this aunty does not even know if I have money and this forceful way is exactly why people don’t get help. Since when did helping someone become compulsory? Well since I don’t waste my time with empty barrels I stopped responding. Some of the things she said I cannot even repeat them here.

She continued, “They debited me, I just wanted to tell her to let me transfer to her so that she would withdraw on my behalf.”

Image: Girls shocked in laughter. Credits: Igor Rodrigues, Unsplash.

Wait let me laugh. How foolish can a person get in this Lagos. She wanted to transfer to me so I could then use my own ATM to withdraw! What a WAWU! This Lagos we all need to wisen up o! There are scam artiste and con men everywhere. Have you ever heard of fake alerts? I have. Ha, Not that the ATM swallowed her card no, just that it debited and didn’t give her money. So her card was still with her and she needed to use someone else’s card to withdraw. Hmm! and that card had to be mine. She has seen money miss road. This Aunty does not know I am an Igbo girl to the core.

Image: Girl’s laughing at someone. Credits: Baylee Gramling, Unsplash

One of the guys at the ATM then told her to wait that the bank would reverse the money but she kept shouting. Well since I don’t get into street fights, I turned and went to withdraw from the ATM. She continued rambling and hissing while I took money from the ATM and left with my shoulders held high. She was back to her sitting position, perhaps waiting for the next set of people that wouldn’t know of her lie and she can scam.

Image: Finger punching pin. Credits: Eduardo Soares, Unsplash.

Reminds me of a guy I met at the bus stop one day after church and this guy who was carrying a big bible walked up to me and asked me for money, I kept walking and the next thing I know he starts calling me names. LOL.

Image: Big Bible. Credits: WordPress.

Have you ever experienced beggars who get violent or abusive when you don’t give them?


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